"We have a secret in our culture. It's not that birth is painful - it's that women are strong" Laura Stavoe Harm
A doula supports the father or partner too! Their respective roles are similar, but the differences are crucial.
Many expectant fathers or partners have little to no experience with labour and birth, and often experience it as an emotional journey of their own. From panic, overwhelm and fear to unspeakable joy, pride and love: they can find it hard to be an objective support for the woman. They can receive enormous benefit from a doula who is comfortable and familiar with the labour process.
For many, if not most women, labour involves hard work and a level of pain. This is the challenge of the labour journey - finding inner strengths and resources to manage the sensations and to work with her body in a way she never has before. Fathers and partners can find it very difficult to see the woman they love going through that inner battle. They often want to rescue the woman and baby from the 'ordeal', often with pain relieving drugs and medical intervention.
Being able to see a doula responding to labour with calm and encouragement can reassure fathers and partners that all is well.
"If a doula were a drug, it would be unethical not to use it" Dr. John H. Kennell
Studies have shown that fathers and partners actually participate more actively during labour in the presence of a doula than without one, and come away from the experience feeling more confident about birth and parenting, and more nurturing towards their partner and baby. As the consistent and loving involvement of fathers and partners plays such an important role in the emotional wellbeing of the family, it is vital for the birth experience to be an empowering and enjoyable one for them too.
A doula does not replace the father or partner, but complements them - acting as their ally and mentor. She supports them to support the woman in the best way they can. A doula can also provide the father or partner with a break when they need one, and take care of practical tasks such as food and drink, cool cloths, hotpacks, pillows, filling the bath, essential oils, music and others so that they can focus on the labouring woman.